In the previous discussion, we talked about the limitations of online communication (see details at https://www.xiaozonglin.cn/archives/terrible-online-chatting/). Now, let's talk about utilitarianism in interpersonal communication. Consider the following dialogue:
Student: Teacher, I finished reading "The Three-Body Problem."
Teacher: Then what?
Student: That's it.
Teacher: Oh.
In this conversation, a student wanted to share with the teacher that they finished reading "The Three-Body Problem," but it ended abruptly with "Oh." I am not used to and dislike nitpicking certain people's conversations, as I myself have not done well in this aspect of speaking. However, the utilitarian nature of interpersonal communication reflected in this dialogue is worth discussing.
In my view, interpersonal communication can be divided into utilitarian communication and emotional communication. Utilitarian communication is merely for accomplishing a task through interaction, often with clear responsibilities and less personal entanglement. Once the task is completed, utilitarian communication loses its necessity. Utilitarian communication is also often related to an individual's power and status. When a person succeeds, many people may follow them, but once that person encounters difficulties, those who followed them for personal gain disappear. True colors show in times of adversity, that's the truth.
Emotional communication is the effort made by both parties to achieve individual happiness and collective well-being. Empathy is the highest emotion of humanity, and emotional communication is built on the foundation of empathy. A significant portion of the comfort humans derive from the outside world comes from emotional communication. Our conversations with therapists, our emotional exchanges with friends are not for specific tangible purposes but to better regulate our emotions.
Observing our lives, we will find that as we age, our utilitarian communication increases gradually while emotional communication decreases relatively. A long time ago, I asked my mother if she had any friends she could confide in. She knew a few people in the neighborhood, could greet them when they met, exchange pleasantries, and that was it. Our interactions with superiors and colleagues in completing work tasks now or in the future are mostly utilitarian communication. Utilitarian communication may make tasks easier and more efficient, but it provides little help to personal psychology.
In our daily lives, we inevitably engage in utilitarian communication, which is very effective in dealing with relationships with strangers, clarifying relationships, and avoiding emotional entanglements, reflecting the current trend towards a legalistic society. However, emotional communication is more necessary in life. Humans are not just rational thinking machines; we are higher animals capable of sensing the world emotionally and expressing ourselves emotionally. There are times in life when we feel melancholic and distressed, and that's when we need someone to listen and comfort us.